I'm gay he's straight

And that been the case for last 5 years. In these years, I have dated many men... ranging from short selfish sex dates to those who became friends for life...but I always went back to this particular guy. His name is Kush. He is of my age. A neighbor. We met one summer and the first time he slept with me,  was an accident. But why did we keep on repeating that we could never understand.
Kush isn't a very novel guy. He's not romantic but very brute. He is a college dropout (and I'm a college topper) and crafty and wee bit religious (I'm an atheist). Many have warned me to break off ASAP. But it simply wasn't possible. I'm highly comfy with him in the bed. His devil-may-care character attracts me. But at the same time I know that our relationship has no future as such. He never says he loves me (only when he's drunk) and he doesn't care for me. If I need anything I have to (almost) demand it from him. I pay for our parties (this I don't mind much) and I quarrel a lot with him. In the last 5 years we broke up many times, each heading opposites...but we somehow get back (I must confess my friends are tired of my eternal fluxes in relationship with him)
He has grown to be a weakness. But he is also my hope. Sometimes I think it was only the physical aspect between us that sticks together but at times there is more.
In India, you cannot be bold so you have love and die in dark ditches unknown to world. In such a place, where love even in heterosexual context is a taboo...I hope against all hope that mine will be fruitful one.